Our service is light

“Rock” and “deadweight” are terms used to refer to patients who somehow end up on our service but who we a) do not operate on or b) do a little less than nothing for.

We don’t like such patients on our service.

Upgrading the girls

Some people can afford implants at one time–I have yet to learn how–but it doesn’t mean they can afford them forever. Implants don’t last a lifetime, and when they eventually rupture, you have to pay to replace them. Otherwise you have them taken out, leaving you with a flat chest and nasty scar. Make sure you can afford maintenance on the girls before you get them upgraded.

How many stitches, Dr.?

When a patient asks you how many stitches you put in, make a number up.¬†Embellish¬†it, it’ll make them feel better.

Obesity

There’s obese, and then there’s obeeeeeese.

One drink

It’s easy to tell the honest trauma patients from the dishonest ones: the liars swear they’re not drunk despite the fact that the entire trauma bay reeks of alcohol.

Plastic surgery: more than you think

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