Wife beater

Don’t beat your wife when you have an autistic kid at home. He may just take a golf club to your skull.

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Tracheostomy care

When you go home with a tracheostomy with specific instructions for its care, make sure you follow them:

1) Don’t take your inner cannula out.
2) Don’t take your inner cannula out.
3) Don’t take your inner cannula out.

Break a rule and you could end up in respiratory arrest, back in the hospital, and possibly in cardiac arrest. You don’t want that and neither do we.

Crackheads

Even the most non-dependable, drug seeking patient is capable of keeping a wound clean.

Scrub techs

When a scrub tech asks you a question in the OR, s/he is really telling you what to do but masking it as a question.

They have much more experience than you and usually know what your attending likes. You may have two fancy letters at the end of your name, but you don’t know everything…yet.

Organ donors

Motorcycles are dangerous, dangerous vehicles. If you are looking for a quick way to be dismembered, it’s the fastest–quite literally–way to go.

Despite all the bad things I know about motorcycles, I still want one.

Broken nose

When you’ve broken your nose many times over, there’s only so much we can do. When you come see us after the 8th break, no matter what we do, it’s not going to be pretty.

Peds ED vs Plastics

This is the kind of stuff I deal with. It’s quite accurate. Plastics for the win!

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